It amazes me, watching them stab around in the dark, having no idea what to do (which is a sensation many men hate) and wanting so desperately to know. After all, they really do love their wives. One of my clients told me about how he was going to give his girlfriend a vacuum cleaner for her birthday. “It’s practical,” he said. Yeah, no. I believe that every man has it in him to make his wife feel completely loved. They just might need some guidance from someone who knows — namely, a woman! RELATED: 11 Little Secrets That Keep Soulmates Together Forever
Here are 6 authentic ways to make sure your wife feels loved
1. Listen to her.
When your wife talks, do you listen to her? Do you truly hear what she’s saying? And, most importantly, does she know it? Women and men share very differently. Women spend 24/7, so to speak, talking to their girlfriends, sharing their feelings, hopes, and dreams. Most men spend maybe 1/365 talking to their friends about their feelings. As a result, their listening skills are rusty. I have a client who’s been trying to tell her husband, for years, how important it is to her that they be honest with his family about time spent with them. She wants to make their primary family first, his family second. And every time, he says, “Sure” but nothing changes. Why? He’s hearing her words but not really listening because he’s heard them before. He knows what she wants but knows that his mother wants something different and if he just ignores the whole situation, it will go away. He’s not really listening and his wife knows it. And what happens when a husband doesn’t really listen to his wife? She feels like he doesn’t love her.
2. Don’t try to fix her.
One of the biggest issues that can arise in relationships is the difference in needs of women and men when it comes to dealing with things. When women are faced with struggles, part of how they deal with them is processing the emotions around the issue. For men, the inclination is to brainstorm a fix. Unfortunately, if a man tries to fix a problem while a woman is still processing the emotions, things can get messy. You need to practice empathy. Empathy is defined as “the ability to understand and share the experience of another.” Instead of trying to fix her problem, try just understanding where she’s at and acknowledging how frustrating and anger-producing it is. That’s what she wants. For you to accept and understand where she is in the moment and to empathize. RELATED: 3 Magic Words That Keep The Best Couples Together Forever
3. Do what you say you’re going to do.
Are you one of those guys who doesn’t always do what you say you are going to do, even if you genuinely want to? Do you tell your wife that you’ll be home at 6 even if you know you aren’t going to be home until 8 because you don’t want to make her mad? Or that you will go pick up the kids after school, even though chances are good that you will have to work? I have a client whose husband promised her that he would stop on the way home from work to look at the new windows they were going to install. And he didn’t. Why? He knew that he wouldn’t be able to do it but he didn’t tell her because he didn’t want to anger her. My client took her husband’s actions to mean that he didn’t love her because, if he did, he would have done what he said he would do Often, for many men, their intentions are good but they don’t do what they say they’re going to do because they’re worried that, if they speak the truth, they say they can’t do something, they will hurt or upset their woman. In fact, the opposite is true. Men who don’t do what they say they’re going to do actually hurt their women more and definitely won’t make them feel loved. So, make sure you do what you say you are going to do. Allow your wife to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her.
4. Use your words.
I can’t tell you how many women wish that their husbands would “use their words” more often. They wish that their men would tell them that they look nice when they’re dressed up, that their success at work is remarkable, their golf game was dead on, and the dinner they cooked was tasty. Earned compliments such as these make a woman feel good about themselves. Knowing that someone they love is noticing their successes means the world to them and makes them feel secure with themselves. It makes women happy when men verbalize their appreciation for the things that their women consistently do for them. A client of mine always supported her man when he needed to work late but he never acknowledged it. Another made an effort to look nice whenever she saw her guy so he knew that he was worth the effort but he never seemed to notice. All of those things they did for love and none of their guys verbalized their appreciation of those efforts. So many men say, “I don’t need to tell her I appreciate her. She knows.” And while your wife might know that you appreciate her, she still wants to hear you say it. She wants to know that you see what she does out of love for you and that you recognize how special it is. RELATED: How To Save An Affection-Starved Marriage
5. Treat her like a woman.
This can be tricky in this modern day of women being equal to men — women can and should expect equal treatment both in the workplace and in the world. That being said, women do still like to be treated like ladies, ladies who are desired, respected, admired, and appreciated. In many marriages, as the years pass, men and women can start treating each other more like business partners than romantic partners. Life, kids, careers, families, etc. interfere with husbands seeing their wives as women, women who should be admired and loved. And there’s nothing that a wife wants more than to be treated like a woman. So, what are some examples of this? How about opening a car door for your wife, buying her that special scent that she likes, telling her how fabulous she looks, or taking her out on a special romantic date. How about rubbing her feet or bringing her flowers or doing something to help out around the house “just because”?
6. Don’t try to “protect” her.
Treating someone like a the woman you love is one thing, but treating them like the weaker sex is another. I can’t tell you how many men tell me that they don’t share something with their wives because they’re “trying to protect them.” They tell those little white lies, lies that seem inconsequentially but have real repercussions. What do I mean by little white lies? How about telling her that you’re going to go out for one beer, knowing that there’s a long, fun night ahead? Or “forgetting” to tell her that you were late on the car payment, because you don’t want her to worry? White lies might be meant to “protect” your partner but, in reality, they will only serve to make her trust you less, to feel less loved. And when she trusts you less, marriages can fall apart. Being honest about everything, big and small, is the key to a healthy relationship and a big part of what a woman needs to feel loved. Making every effort to be honest, always, will help your woman love and trust you even more. Flowers and foot rubs are certainly one thing but deeply meaningful symbols of your love, like these, are the type that help couples stay together and stay in love. Make sure your wife knows that you’re listening to her but don’t try to fix her. Do what you say you’re going to do. Use words of affirmation. Treat her like a woman but don’t “protect” her. All of these things will make your wife feel loved in a meaningful way. And when you can do these things, the flowers and foot rubs will be the cherry on top. When a woman truly feels loved, your life will be a better place. RELATED: Husbands, Your Wives Are Exhausted Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life and love coach who helps people find keep love in this crazy world in which we live. She is available via email, at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com.
